All of us carry genetic programming, and the need to reproduce is perhaps the strongest instinct.  But while not all women have a deep desire for babies, all of us carry the ability to recognize the best potential fathers.  We have generations behind us of what makes a successful mate.  But sometimes we're not looking for a mate--sometimes, we're just looking for strong genes. 

That's the dilemma--the bad boy risk taker, or the steady guy who'll provide.  The bad boy can seem far sexier--and he's the one who often catches a woman's eye. The fact that he takes risks and survives means his offspring will probably do the same--and that hits a deep chord in almost any woman.  But we all know he's probably not going to hang around.  So when it comes time to "settle down," a woman often starts looking not with her instincts, but with a list--and that list often comes from outside. 

BASIC NEEDS

Just as for men, women have physical needs for sexual release. For sexual pleasure.  In recent years, studies have shown that women have a certain level of testosterone, and higher levels produce more aggression and a stronger sex drive.  Just like with a man.  However, things get complicated from there. 

Society has long condemned sexually aggressive and active women.  Slut.  Whore.  Cheep.  The slang shows the contempt for a woman who treats sex with a man's aggression and interest.  Even the archetypes reflect this--virgin, lady, whore.  A virgin is shy, and knows nothing of sex.  A lady is refined, and may know about sex but acts as if she doesn't.  A whore is about the worst insult to throw at a woman--but she's also going to be the one with sexual skill.  Stereotypes, cultural bias, and peer pressure can force women into ignoring real physical needs and adopting the needs of an "image."  They can also pressure her to think she has to "settle down" or "get serious."  For many women, love is more about meeting the expectations of others.  Of fitting into a role. 

The young woman steps into the work force, puts on the business suit, pulls her hair back, tones down her look away from sexy so that she can fit into a "man's world" and be taken seriously.  The single woman gets to thirty, sees most of her friends married--or starts hearing from mom and everyone else in the family about grandkids--and decides she's got to find a guy and really start living her life--as a wife.  A woman has a child and starts to think, "I can't do that--I'm a mom now."  She goes into soccer-mom mode, wears sensible shoes, easy to manage hair, and sweats.  Or a woman in her mid-life puts on a few pounds and decides she can't wear high-heels, and sexy clothes are "for a young woman, not me." 

Society also pushes most women into taking up the role of caregiver, so a woman's attention goes to everyone else first, and to herself last.  This is why so many women's magazines speak to a woman's need for caring for herself.  There's a need there.  Too often, however, the care comes in the form of shopping binges, diets to fit yet another cultural role model, or vicarious care in the form of reading about how celebrities pamper themselves.  And sexual needs go undercover. 

FANTASY DESIRE

The stereotype is that a man is visually oriented and a woman isn't.  But, honestly, women like looking.  However, there's baggage along with that.  Looking can seem aggressive--there's that slut label again.  So it's quick glances, and safe in a group. And then there's the movies--that's a safe place to look at you want, and a great place to have faces and bodies to look at.  It's also plays into a fantasy life.

For most women, mental stimulation is as important as sight and touch. Women have one thing that most men don't--women had two connections between the left and right side of the brain. That creates holistic thinking.  Left and right sides--creative and logical--are intertwined.  We can be having sex--and be thinking about the laundry.  Unless the sex is really great.  Or unless a guy goes to the effort to engage a woman's mind as well as her body.

This engagement comes in the form of settings--flowers and candlelight are cliché because they work. They set a mood.  They stimulate a woman.  Guys who know how to seduce women are guys who know how to talk to women.  They know how to make a woman laugh.  They know how to engage a woman's mind as well as her body. 

This is the core of any romance novel, too.  It's about smart men and smart women--and the pleasure of a great seduction.  It's about the ideal world of sex.  These books appeal to women by creating mental stimulation--and by giving women the bad boy who does settle down.  Idea mates who also happen to be ideal gene carriers.  There is some idea that somehow women will start to think real life should be like this--wouldn't that be nice.  But that's like saying anyone who reads a mystery will start thinking that in real life the killer is always caught.  

REAL LOVE 

Beyond physical needs, beyond fantasy lovers, beyond fitting into a role, there is the need every person has for companionship, for friendship, for love.  To love and be loved in return. 

There are many paths to love--for a woman or a man.  Compatibility on a spiritual level, on an emotional level, on a physical level, and on a mental level.  Love is often defined as something to "fall into" or "fall out of."  But that's more likely to be infatuation.  Love comes from a heart open to love.  Love--real love--endures.  It doesn't require the other person to be something, or do something.  It's as constant as the sun--burning even when it cannot be seen behind clouds, burning even though it seems to be unseen because its rays fall on the other side of the earth, burning even though it seems to grow hot and cold because of the changing season.  But it's there.  It's there because something happened--something took a relationship from one level to the next.  Chemistry clicked with fantasy.  Need and desire met.  It's there because--well, every woman can fill in her own answer.